Monday, June 19, 2006

Chapter 29: The nail, pt 1

Sometime later I awaken and He is there. I think on what has just past. “Forgive me Papa, for not trusting you fully. I will trust you now.”

He hugs me gently, receiving what I have said. “Come with Me, I want to show you something.” He helps me to my feet and takes my arm. Unhurriedly we walk through the shade garden, turning the corner to the place where the shaded side meets the sun. Attractive vines have overgrown the fence here, making it a place sheltered from the outside. Tress sprinkle the area as well further enhancing the intimate feel of the place. Close to the castle wall, near a door I did not know was there, I find a round stone picnic table and benches. I realize the door must lead into the kitchen.

“What is this place?” I ask, bewildered.

“It is place for you to meet with those I connect to you.” He explains, but offers nothing further. We pass slowly by the picnic table and finally into the kitchen. Walking by the pantry I see the shelves are basically well stocked, although there are a few empty places on the shelves.

“I will help you to fill those shelves, do not worry.” He comments as we walk past.

Continuing through the kitchen, we stop in the small private dining room. There He bid me to sit down and places before me a plate of bread and meat and a glass of cold fresh water. “Eat now.” He invites.

I obey, realizing how hungry I am. The meal tastes so good. I use the bread to sop up the juices from the meat so as not to miss anything He has given me. The meal leaves me feeling stronger, some what renewed after the struggle of the recent past.

Leaving the table now, He takes my arm to walk down the long hall into the foyer. Suddenly I am so tired.

“Papa, I don’t think I can go further.” My feet feel like lead weights right now, my legs burn with the effort of just walking. I fall into a chair placed along the hallway wall, desperately trying to catch my breath and make the burning stop.

“Renew your strength in Me. (Is 49).” He instructs. “Take my hand and come , you do not need to rely on your strength, I will give you strength.”

Placing my hand in His, I struggle to my feet. Slowly, leaning heavily on Him, we continue down the hall. Gradually the hallway opens into the elegant foyer.

Polished black and white marble tiles greet us here. Heavy, regal moldings line the floor, door frames and stairs, working their way up to create panels on the walls. The flowing split staircase seems a focal point as the center of the space. The wide stairs with their gilt banister rise to a landing, then on to a second where it splits into two staircases leading to the second floor.

Together we climb to the first landing and sit at the top step. Looking down into the foyer I see the shadow forms of many people, guests crowded into the foyer, talking with each other. They seem to be waiting for something.

The sight threatens to overwhelm me. I feel the tears burn my eyes as the fear rises from within. The urge to run builds, but He is there with me, so I stay.

“You are overwhelmed now, but it will not always be so. This place will not always be full of people. There will be times and seasons for that, but it will not overwhelm you. I will give you strength and understanding, and I hiding place in Me to rest. Your study, the cave, those are places away from the crowd. They are only for you and I, they will sustain you in those seasons.

“My yoke is easy. It will be different this time because it is me, not you. I will show you your dream, in that box upstairs.”

“I am afraid of them.” I murmur, hanging my head.


“Disappointment. I remember being told as a child I could not have those dreams.” A great sadness fills my voice.

“Do not be afraid, we will look at them together. Remember your new expectations, abundance, not disappointment.”

I am intimidated by what I hear. Not sure of what it means, not what I am supposed to do. But I have made a decision and I will submit. I will trust Him in this and not fight to do it in my way. Finally I am able to whisper, “Yes, Papa, as You say, it will be.”

I feel more than see Him smile. Even so, my heart is heavy. I know, more that feel, that all this is good. Yet it is hard. The changes have been hard won and though defeated the flesh is not laying down gracefully in defeat. I feel it rising up, wanting to manipulate the situation into its own will. But I will not negotiate, I will not try to do it my way. His is the only way and I will submit. A silent tear slides down my cheek, testament to this inner struggle. I notice His hand on my shoulder and how long it has been there.

“Come upstairs now.” He softly instructs. Slowly we walk up the stairs, taking the flight on the right heading into the hall containing our chambers. He leads me into my own rooms.

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