Sunday, February 12, 2006

Chapter 5: Fears and Monsters, pt. 1

He helps me from the clear waters. “Yes, that is where we are going next. The moat contains the fear that surrounds your heart, keeping you in and everything else out.

“There are indeed monsters , creatures of those fears, in the moat that you must overcome. There are four of them, three smaller and one large. Their presence here is polluting the moat. You must drive them out to clear the waters and make the way safe.” He explains.

I knew there were monsters here, besides those awful birds. I just was not expecting to encounter them so soon. I thought they would be waiting in the castle. But He said that we cannot even get to the castle until I conquer these. I step into the water again and step toward the moat, carefully staying in the clean water fed by the waterfall. I begin to pray, “Lord…”

Panic rises, though as I realize that it is not enough! “Papa God! Where are you! Take my arm, please!” I cry out, looking around for Him in desperation.

He is there, taking my arm and steadying me. As He does so, I realize that I did not wait His instruction. Instead, I rushed in on my own. Indeed, this is my pattern, my way, rushing in independently and on my own, not waiting. I know I have done this same thing over and over again.

“That was the first challenge of this place,” His voice snaps me back to attention, “… not to try and go here alone as you would have done before. Walk with Me through here, I will protect you and help you. You cannot walk this path alone. You cannot overcome this alone. Your strength is not sufficient . Mine is.” His direction is firm but not harsh.

“I want You to be Papa here too.” I whisper, holding tight to His arm. “I want to clear this water, I am afraid of its darkness.” The murkiness of the water hides what is beneath, I cannot see what might be coming. I am afraid.

Then I see, I have chosen this fear and held on to it. I look for the hidden dangers and knowing they must be there, I fear. It has been handed to me, through generations of my family. I have been taught to fear what might be lurking where I cannot see. But this fear does not tell me the truth! I press in close to Him. “I repent, Papa, I repent of this fear, of holding on to it as if it were truth. Forgive me! Show me the truth, help me tear down and rebuild.”

The waters from the waterfall seem to flow more strongly now, invading the murky waters and beginning to clear them. Suddenly, I realize this moat is the source of water for the garden. Until now, the garden has been fed by these polluted waters, tainted by the monsters that dwell within them. As the clear water takes hold, the garden will be changed!

Part 2-->

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