“You are being set free to be what and who I have made you to be. The barriers that have stood in the way are being torn down and I am unleashing you. In the past you have been afraid at every step of the way. You fear displeasing me. Leave that behind and walk in the new maturity of the mature son (huios) The placed one knows the heart and will of the Father and goes forth in confidence to do it without fear.”
“Yes Papa.” I try to absorb what He is saying, but it feels overwhelming.
“There remains one thing still left to do before we leave this place.”
My heart sinks. It is still not complete? What more can there be? Repressing a sigh, I ask, “What must I do ,Papa?”
“Expose your sin to Me.”
I still do not love this process, but I have learned to obey. Quickly removing my robes and sandals, I place myself, uncovered, into His hands.
“ I trust you, Papa.” I whisper, trying not to tremble.
“I love you. I will never betray that trust.” He takes my arm in His and walks with me to the waterfall. “You have not been washed of the stains.” He explains.
Without thinking about it, I look and see that I am still covered in heavy, tar-like stains. As I see them, I realize how uncomfortable they are; I do not want to continue carrying them.
The startling cold of the water breaks me out of my thoughts. He has soap and a scrub brush in His hands.
“These stains have prevented Me from reaching your heart. Submit to Me now and allow Me to wash them from you.”
The water’s cold penetrates my joints and starts to ache. I do not want to stay, I hate the cold. But even as I begin to shiver, I hear myself saying “Yes, Papa, please cleanse me.”
He wastes no time as He begins scrubbing the stains from me. “You have trusted in yourself not in Me. You protect yourself, take care of things for yourself,,,”
Suddenly I hear my own vow, “I will not be vulnerable.” And I see its source—daddy did not protect us from the alcoholism. This is the final piece of the puzzle that has kept me from submitting.
“Papa, I repent! I repent of this vow! I break this vow! Break down these structures, Papa break them down!”
The cold water has hardened the stains and they start falling away. The center of my back itches intensely. A stubborn stain clings there. Vigorously He scrubs at it until it falls away. Finally I am clean,
But the penetrating cold has taken its toll, soaking into my joints leaving them aching and sore. My skin, raw and red from the scrubbing and peeling away the stains, tingles and burns. As He leads me from the water, I find the warmth of the air welcome even though it stings my raw flesh painfully.
“Allow Me to anoint your raw places.” Even His voice sounds warm now.
I nod, unable to find words. He has a flask of golden oil in His hand that He pours liberally over me. The oil is so warm! It is the penetrating warmth of a sunbeam in the middle of summer, strong and sure. The heat sinks deep into me, driving the cold from my bones. As it does, I realize the stinging ache is gone from my skin as well. The oil has covered me and relieved my pain.
Tenderly He reaches for my robes and covers me with them. He ties the sandals back on my feet and settles the silky hood over my head. Although I am spent, I also feel protected once again. I am safe.
“Come now and rest.” He leads me by the hand to a warm sunbeam to sit with Him and rest. This time I know we are finished and I am truly able to rest.