I awaken and He is still here beside me. I feel rested, refreshed.
“Drink of the water here,” He says. “It is a source of refreshing that will not run dry. You can always find it in the midst of your worship.”
The water is cold and sweet, purer than anything I have known before. I am struck again by the beauty of this place. Caves have always spoken to my heart.
“Few truly find this place, child.” He explains once again. “It is hard to get to and there are not shortcuts here. All must travel the same path. Some stay closer to this place all the time, but here are not short cuts to get there.”
I am surprised at how He immediately directs His comments at the lies I have been taught. I had been told that there were those who were favored with shortcuts, that the rules did not apply to them, only to the ordinary among us. Yet, He tells me this is not so. “Papa, can I ask You? Why was the path here so dark? I do not understand.” The question comes out of my mouth before I even can think about it.
He pauses for a moment before answering, as if thinking of a way to explain that I will understand. “It is dark because this is not a place found by the flesh. You do not travel here with your eyes, but with your heart, guided by My grace. The path here is only through My grace.”
I nod, I think I understand. I look around again, marveling at the scene. Three particularly distinct formations catch my eye here, a crystalline spray, a butterfly shaped crystal and the rose crystal. “What are these Papa?”
“These are memorial stones marking major transitions as you learned how to enter into worship. The rose is when you learned to dance before Me. The butterfly is when your spirit was first set free to become lost in worship. The crystal spray was your discovery of what worship was and what it meant.”
I remember each of these times, not so much as a specific event, but as an emotion, a transition, a change in my walk with Him. Thinking on these things, I find a longing to dance before Him building in me, to dance even as David danced before Him. I do not understand the desire, I am neither musician nor dancer. But to be able to totally give myself to celebrate who His is, is a deep desire of my heart.
“May I Papa?” I finally ask, feeling a bit self conscious, even embarrassed.
He nods, very slightly and opens His arms in invitation. I am not sure why, but I begin to remove the garments He has given me. I am safe in this place, I can be uncovered before Him without fear.
I begin to sing and to dance before Him, letting overflow the deepest feelings of my heart and mind. I am not performer to be sure, but I can see His smile and I know He is pleased, receiving what I offer before Him.
The cave is filled by the soft radiant glow of the lantern that surrounding Him. I can feel it, it is His glory. I know this light so well. It warms and comforts me.
I continue until I have poured our all that is in me. When I stop, I am standing before Him. He ways nothing, but gently begins to pour a new oil over me, rubbing it deeply into my hair and face, anointing me head to foot.
As I in all of this, I realize I am not afraid any more. I remember not long ago, my terror at being uncovered before Him. I am no longer afraid.
“What were you afraid of, daughter?” He asks, lightly holding my shoulders.
“Everything. I was afraid You would reject me if You saw me for who and what I was. I was afraid of condemnation. I was afraid You would hurt me, but not heal. I was afraid you would not love me if I was not perfect, afraid that I would not be enough for You to accept me.” I pause for a moment, reflecting. “I am not afraid anymore.”
He kisses the tops of my head, then picks up the garments He has given me and tenderly dresses me once again. I feel so secure in His garments.
“Come sit with Me.” He says, walking towards the stream. We sit beside the flowing water. “Worship is your expression of love for Me. I need nothing, but I desire relationship with you. That comes through your worship of Me. As you declare in those times who I am, what I am, you make a statement of faith, for trust in those things and in that faith you are brought closer to Me.
“David, Mary and John all were true worshippers. They longed to be in my presence, close to Me, celebrating in the fact that I was there with them not in what I had done for them, but in who I am and that I was there in their presence.
“John reclined on my breast, hearing My word, but even more, the beating of My heart. Mary was always found at My feet. She never wanted to be far to be far from Me, to miss out on a moment of My visit.
“You have long wondered which spirit you had, that of Mary or of Martha. You have called yourself a Martha many times. But I want you to see this: When we first came to this castle, your first thought was to prepare Me a meal, instead, though, you followed Me into the study. In that room there have always been two chairs, yet by your choice, not my direction you have always sat at my feet not in the chair. Even in other rooms,, you have only take a chair when I have directed. You have been by my side constantly and at my feet as often as you could. You even mourned your lack of perfume with which to anoint my feet.
“You have Mary’s heart, child, ministering to Me by closeness and relationship rather than by your constant doing.” He touches my shoulder as I hang on every word He is saying. “I am moved by true worshippers because they have given me their hearts.”
He lifts His hand from my shoulder to cradle my face in a tender embrace. I press into His embrace, drinking deeply of it. “Please, teach me Papa,” I whisper, longing to know more of Him.
“The way here is not easy, few are willing to crawl blindly, guided and covered only by my grace and spirit. It is a path of surrender, not of show. A place to move as I move and only as I move. True worship goes deep into your soul and takes you to this place where the rocks ill cry out with my grace eve if you do not.”