Monday, March 20, 2006
Chapter 16: The master suite, pt 3
When finally I stop, He presses the now open box into my hands. I reached in to withdraw the dark gold lame’ bag. With trembling hands, I open the drawstring and shake the content into my hands.
For a moment I cannot breath! A pair of earrings, matching the necklace that He had given me, fall into my palm. A series a white gold drops surround central heart-shaped diamond, chiming softly as the earrings are lifted into the firelight. The central stones are each engraved with the words “My grace”.
Lovingly, He fastens them on my ears. I hear the whisper of the chimes, “My grace, My grace,” they sing. I am overcome.
“Oh, Papa!, Thank you!” I bury my face in his chest.
“Now that the abyss is silenced, you can hear these. I want you to hear my song of grace constantly in your ears. “
And I do, over and over again. “Thank you Papa!, “I whisper, my heart threatening to burst with joy in His embrace. He kisses the top of my head. And simply holds me for a long time.
“Come sit with Me.” He finally says and leads me to the balcony. Together, we sit on a glider bench, His arm around me.
It is such a pleasant place, the shade of the magnolia tree lightly covers the balcony. The gentle sound the waterfall below and a soft breeze complete the outdoor décor. If I open my eyes I could look out over the garden, but prefer to close them, for now savoring his presence. A part of me though fights to be up and running, seeks to be doing something. I go to silence it, not wanting to miss a moment of this precious time with Him.
He nods at me. “Do not give up these times of rest. You’ve been busy for too long. In order to do what you’ve been called to do for Me, you must take time with Me. I will provide you with the meat you will serve, but you must meet with Me, rest with Me to receive it. Do not be afraid of rest anymore. There’s no more danger to you in rest.”
I see I have been afraid of rest for so very long, it is always meant vulnerability, danger that I have no defense against. But to rest with Him is safe. Nothing can harm me in His presence.
“Papa, please forgive me for the fear that I’ve been holding onto all this time, the fear of rest, of stillness, quietness. I repent for holding on to what is counter to Your word. Please forgive me and show me how to do this differently!” Even as I whisper these words, I notice something different this time. Though saddened by seeing this fear in myself, I am no longer so afraid of being wrong. I am confident in His forgiveness and of His guidance and instruction for change.
He hugs me briefly, “You are forgiven child. You all are already on the path to change, but I will bring light to the old path and show you a new way “
“Thank you, Papa. “I can scarcely believe how different things have become.
“Let Me show you something.” He begins to rise. Together we walked toward the rail of the balcony. Immediately I can see how different the garden has become, not nearly the place it once was. He points to an eagle soaring overhead. “Soon you’ll be able to soar like that.”
Those times I had ever dared picture myself able to fly, it was as a little canary, ever as an eagle! Suddenly I see this is what will come out of the rest with Him!
“ Yes.” He smiles.” Give me your hands.” As I do, He takes them into his own. As before, they are still calloused and ragged from the busyness that I have made for myself. “Let Me treat them.” He instructs. I can only nod as He brings out His jar of ointment. Slowly, and with great, tender care, He covers my hands in the fragrant balm, rubbing it deeply, firmly into every wounded and rugged place.
I never realized how much my hands ached, how very tired they were, until that moment. It is such a relief, released to have my hands empty, still for even a few moments.
“This will enable you to let go of what I have not given you, to be still when it is time. And it will also give you the strength to hold on and to do as I call you to in that season.” He holds my hands in His for a long time.
Tears in my eyes I can only whisper, “Thank you, Papa.”
He takes both my hands in His left and with His right tenderly He rings the chimes on my ears . They sing out, “My grace, My grace.” Over and over and over. My tears, flowing freely now, I pressed my head to his chest crying “I love you papa, I love you.” I never before have been able to receive, to feel His love in such a real and tangible way. Dressed in His garments, standing in His chambers I feel more safe and more accepted and more loved than I ever have before.